HotBlue02

Man o man this is a sucky week. I have been in a 13 year relationship that has just imploded and I am pretty bummed, I don't want to loose my family. We have a 12 year old daughter ( todays her birthday, great timing) together and a house that we have owned since 2001. We have had a difficult time for several months and I feel a big part of that was her mother, step father and sister living with us since october of 2008. They were not doing anything of much to better there lives and move out until I put pressure on Erin and her parents for the last several months. I had a problem with smokin alot of pot that she didnt like so I began to quit back in june. I was still puffin here and there through summer but broke down and bought a sack in late july and again in mid august. There are things I do and say when I am high that are not the nicest thing in the world if you piss me off.

So I get a call saturday morning from her parents and they ask if I can help them move there stuff out of storage ( I was shocked they were moving out) and I said yes. I asked Erin if she wanted to help and she said no "I am gunna clean the house" I said ok what do you want to do later and she says" I have a cleaning job at 3:00" I said fine what about after that and she gets snippy and say I don't know. So I get done and am home at 3:00 and her brother shows up about this time so we hang out for a while. its now 6:30 and I wanna do something tonoght so i call erin and no answer. I call again at 7:30 and 8:30 no answer. I am kinda pissed at this point. I blow up her phone at 10:30 and she turns it off so it goes straight to voicemail. at 11:30 I leave a message telling her how it is jacked up that she does not call to let me know were she is at cause I am a little worried. she comes home at 1:00 in the morning but cant get in the bedroom cause I locked the door cause i am pissed so she passes out in the other room. The next morning before I leave I tell her she has no respect for me letting me worry all night about her and she could have called me to let me know she was drinking with her hair dresser (the person she does cleaning for) and she tells me she is not happy. I said whats that mean and she says I don't think we should be together, so I leave. I have tried to talk to her but it's not good.
I was looking forward to building are relationship back up as we never had any real private time together with her mom all over her everytime she came home from work or when we made plans for the weekend she was almost always involved. I just don't know what to do now. I did flush the rest of my bud down the toilet and crushed my pipe in a bench vise on sunday as I just want to be sober like I was in june and most of july and this was part of the turmoil between us. I know there are no answers here, guess I just needed to vent.

03-accent-03

Wow dude, best of luck to you. Give her some time and space and see how it goes.

HyundaiKitCoupe

focus on your daughter, that is a beautiful age for a kid and adult issues should never get in the way.

^time and space is exactly right. usually cures about everything. or just change the subject. i also found out that you or someone else are less to conjure up a feud on a full stomach.

you have a lot of things that i see other people work their blood sweat and tears for, in pain with no benefits nothing waiting for the bus in the cold everyday. keep it steady.

i8acobra

... And people say pot is a victimless drug. I can think of at least one young victim.

187sks

I'm sorry to hear that man. I hope things work out for the best. 12 is about the age that my youngest brother was when my parents split up and it really did a number on him especially.

I would suggest that you try to tell her how you were looking forward to making things better now that her parents aren't going to be living with you any more and that you knew that things had gone downhill in your relationship because they were living with you. I'm guessing that she's mad that you pushed her parents to leave. If they're somewhat manipulative they might have made things worse by guilt tripping her by saying things like "We don't want to live where we're not welcome.", etc. I'm guessing that because of the timing for when she went out and wouldn't talk to you, and the fact that it was a surprise to you that they were moving out.

There's no excuse for being a dick to your family, if pot makes you be a dick to them you probably ought to quit for good. On the other hand, if I had to put up with my inlaws living with me I would be a dick all the time, and I actually like them. I just have a low tolerance for having other people living with me. I would probably drink every night to cope with it, or do whatever it took. I wouldn't feel too guilty for smoking pot in your situation if I was you.

Either way, things will get better, hopefully sooner rather than later. Best of luck.

HotBlue02

The pot was only part of the issue and I am done with it. I wish I had never bought those sacks this summer cause I would be that much ahead. It's been a long addiction, 15 years with a break here and there. That being said she put up with it but it did cause issues cause it does distort reality and the way you think or interprit situations. She said I am a control freak cause I wanted to know were she was at that night and there have been other nights simular to that in are past. It's always been a problem throughout are relationship but I just want to know she is safe but she says it's controlling. Put the shoe on the other foot though and she wants to know were I am at. bout a year ago I went for a ride on my bike, did like 20 miles or so and came back late, it was dark before I got off the bike course and she calls me about 10 minutes b4 I get home. I didn't answer cause I was so close and my phone is in my camel pack, I didn't want to stop. She was all pissed when I got home and was a major issue but at least she knew were I was. I on the other hand don't know were she was and want's to call me a control freak, I don't get it. I did'nt want here to get a tatto but she did anyways and she says I am controlling. I voice my opinions but she does what she wants to do anyways, how is that controlling? Should I have no opinions? just nuts!

As far as my daughter she is well looked after but there are times I snipped at her. Like when you ask her to do something a few different times but then I find her watching tv or something else other then what she is asked to do, yea I am gunna get pissed and yell, I have a breaking point.

Her parents by the way are ex tweekers, been clean from what I can tell for maybe a year and a half. They lived with the step fathers parents for a year after being evicted from there apartment. The parents had enough of them and kicked them out cause Randy barely worked and Kristi has not worked all her life, was just sucking on the welfare system juice for most of her adult life before they finally kicked her off of it. Then they showed up at are doorstep. Then theres the youngest daughter that doesn't work (shes 21) and has her mom drop her off and pick her up from friends houses so they can drink and smoke all day. So thats what I had to deal with.

I have already expressed myself to her that I was so happy to get moving on with are lives but that was after the blow up so she ain't hearing it. I wasn't the only one wanting them to move out as Erin was fed up with them as well. Now of course when I brought that up she claims they wernt ready to move and that I rushed them. Give me a fucking break, they lived with us for free other then chipping in on the food. How fucking long is it supposed to take to get your sh*t together. 22 months since they were evicted thats how long.

Now for me, when I get pushed to my breaking point I will be a dick. I will say things I later regret but there is no excuse I guess. I don't hang out with my friends as much as I used to but maybe cause they were all drinking buddies and I don't drink much anymore. I did spend most of my free time with Erin and Alyssa so I don't see that as a bad thing but she said the other day that I need to spend more times with my friends, I don't know.

HyundaiKitCoupe

the fact that her family needed to move in with you and mooch is bad enough. the best thing you can do is kick them out or help them find a new place the least. my fam used to have tenants back in Poland who just leeched and leeched and leeched because they thought we are from the USA and can afford it. we kicked them out, new tenants arrived, did the same thing, kicked them out, the newest tenants did the same damn thing. we kicked them out. it's a reoccurring thing and will persist for decades. friends can turn foes SO easily too. you wouldn't believe some of my stories but i won't explain.

i've had friends who, being the nice giving warm person i am, just got fed up and called it off. a best friend used me just to get close to my sister. his brother used her to live for free and when he left he dipped without paying and now he's got a job and bought a brand new VW. and his girl kept a Zoo in the house. everything was a mess, damaged everything, and shItted everything. did no yard work or maintenance whatsoever, i had to do ALL of it for 5 years...

you have to have your own life, your own space, and your own family space in peace. it is the only way.

HotBlue02

Wow, I can't believe her, I am starting to think she has lost it. I called her cause Alyssa wants to se a movie tonight for her b-day. as usual she does not answer her phone, as it starts to go to voicemail my signal cuts out and i think great now I have to call back and she is gunna think i am blowing up her phone. So I leave a message explaining I am not blowing up her phone and tell her about the movie plan. I get a call back like an hour later and as predictable as possible she says "why you blowing up my phone". I asked if she listened to the message and she said no so I tell her what happened. she says she will think about the movie and call me back. So she calls back just a little bit ago and says she won't be going and i said it's your daughters birthday she wants you to go. She freaks out and says I am not playing your games. Man I am sick of this, I am not making anymore moves to help this relationship. If she can pull her head out of her ass here soon then I will take her back because i love her but I can't keep letting her sh*t on me. Looks like i will be a single guy soon, good thing chicks still check me out( yes ladies i see your eyes glancing lol) gues I am not to old yet!

187sks

After explaining your situation, I would be fuming pissed to live like that. It wouldn't take any sort of pot, drink, or drugs to make me an asshole. I'll admit that I am somewhat controlling, but that comes down to compromises we've both had to make in our relationship to stay together. For some people, you give 'em enough rope and they'll hang themselves.

Yelling at your kid for not doing what she's told is just part of being a good parent. I do it, and more parents should do it. The new age "kids are fragile" approach is bull. Do what you're told, or face yelling and punishment.

If you end up single, you'll find someone that is willing to make compromises with you, not just live on their terms.

HotBlue02

Well just got back from the movies with my daughter and I must say that 9 is a nice flick. I really didn't know much about it going into it but it was entertaining. Also got my mind off of my current situation so that was nice. I noticed that none of the ladies here on this board have replied to this topic, your input would be nice, positive or negitive to my situation. Thank you to all that have and will comment.